ahiahi pai/ Good afternoon,
Dear friends,
I was remiss when doing my last letter under the duress of Covid that I forgot to include the 25th celebrations of our Uniting Church brothers and sisters at Johnsonville. I have decided to run a letter this week to rectify this situation.
I am slowly getting over the symptoms of Covid. It certainly slowed me down. Thanks for the kind support I received.
I have also attached a grief liturgy following on from a request from some PFG people to celebrate the life and beauty of friends we have made in your PFG’s who have since departed this life but still remain with us in spirit and love. With our remembrance of All Souls and Saints days on 1st and 2nd of November respectively I think this months is a welcome opportunity to acknowledge those who have died.
The reading this Sunday have a strong theme of humility of one not seeking honour or titles rather acknowledging our need to see that God is our centre and when we live as our best selves others notice the Christ light within us shining through. All those values and principles of being a follower of Jesus mark us as people who point to a great reality then ourselves.
Jesus is highly critical of those who seek honour, those who lord it over others those who do not seek to understand the plight, pain and suffering of those doing their best. The way we dress and appear to others can make them seem unworthy or less but the gospel is full of example where Jesus shines a light on those who seem unworthy and praises them in the sense that they are not far from the kingdom.
We must be diligent in our reality that alone we can do nothing but it is a blessing of what God can do through us. Humility seeks the path of ‘Servant leadership’ raising other and the passage makes sense “The greatest among you must be your servant’ – “whoever humbles himself/herself will be exalted”
Have a good week – God go with you,
Paul
Scripture reflection: Thirty first Sunday in Ordinary Time Year A, 5 November 2023.
Did not one God create us?
Almighty and merciful God, by whose gift your faithful offer you right and praiseworthy service, grant, we pray, that we may hasten without stumbling to receive the things you have promised.
LECTIONARY READINGS
First reading: Malachi 1:14 – 2:2, 8-10
Responsorial Psalm: Ps 130(131)
Second reading: 1 Thessalonians 2:7-9, 13
Gospel: Matthew 23:1-12
Link to readings – click here
INTRODUCTION
In our readings today, we hear how easy it is for human pride and laxity to diminish or even falsify God’s message. Instead, let us follow the invitation to honour God in humility, sincerity and truth. In the First Reading, the prophet Malachi does not mince his words. His message is hard-hitting: the priests are reproached for their spiritual negligence and failure to instruct the people properly, as well as for their half-hearted service of God.
Religious leaders are also criticised in the Gospel. Jesus castigates their hypocrisy: they are more concerned with drawing attention to themselves and exploiting their social position, rather than committing themselves to the message they preach. This type of self-aggrandisement and pride is the exact opposite of what the followers of Jesus should aspire to. Jesus himself is our role model: he teaches us that the route to leadership is through service of God in all things.
In contrast, the Second Reading presents Paul as a truly devoted pastor: enthusiastic, hard-working, full of love for his people; endlessly sharing the living word of God with this community. To follow Christ is to serve him humbly; and humility, together with complete trust in God, is the theme of today’s Psalm.
Let us pray this week: Lord God, you are both Father and Mother to us. We beg you: help us to be sincere and joyful in our practice of faith and prayer; to serve you in our daily lives; and to be even more alert and awake to your presence in nature all around us.
Update: A reminder that the Passionist Institute will be held on the weekend of 25th-26th November 2023. You are welcome to join via Zoom or personally. You will need to RSVP. Please find the timetable and poster attached to this newsletter
Please keep Hamilton Cathedral/St Matthew’s in your prayer this weekend as we relaunch Passionist Family Groups.
Promotion to raise interest a for a relaunch of Passionist Family Groups in 2024 in Levin will be on the weekend of 11/12th November
I will be away on a short holiday in Australia with Clare from 25th November return on 4th December
Beginning the P.F.G.M. at Johnsonville Uniting Church. 
It is 25 years since the PFGM began in Johnsonville Uniting Church and our Minister Tony Wood asked me to say a few words.
Many of you will recall that we were without a minister in 1998, Pastoral Care was not working and a Parish Meeting was held in the lounge to discuss a way forward.
Karen Billing’s had learnt of the PFGM through a friend who was participating in the programme here at St Peter and St. Paul’s.
With work commitments she did not have the time to investigate further, but as Pastoral Convenor at the time I was happy to make enquires.
St. Mary’s in New Plymouth was the only other Protestant church at the time participating in the PFGM.
During the following year I met a number of wonderful people ; John and Kerry Kleinsman, John and Mary- Ellen Leen, Father Brian Traynor, Lynne Hill and a number of other Parish Co-ordinators in the region and come to understand how inspired and how many benefits the programme provided.
It was launched here, with at the time four Family Groups established. There are three now. Amazing leadership and belief in the programme was shown with people stepping up to co – ordinate the groups. In the beginning it was Nancy and Graham Cochrane, Ray and Faye Michelle, Eileen McKinlay and Karen Billings and Andrew and I as Parish Co-ordinators.
We attended Training Days and weekend camps to further our understanding of the programme. These showed how cross denominational the PFGM was and they were a lot of fun. More recently we’ve attended training days with Paul Traynor.
At a 1st Foundation Day at Connolly Hall Father Brian Traynor led us and welcomed us. Catholic and Protestant no more, we are ‘family’. We were a part of this, with nothing said just an invitation to all and it was a very moving occasion for us.
Ray and Faye moved to Melbourne where they introduced the PFGM to their church and this was successful for a time. Ray was a leader and just loved the idea of getting to know the multi generations as had happened in Johnsonville .
He recalled the older Boyd kicking a football with young Andrew Stirrat and his son Kyle.
Over the years many people have co- ordinated their group so successfully and with wonderful, original initiatives and while the events have been social gatherings there has been underlying care. It was stronger than a monthly event as smaller groups can care in a more tangible way, really get to know each other, providing meals following operations or bereavements, driving for hospital appointments, gardening AND sharing in celebrations of a birthday, a new home or a new job.
The ethos was simple but sincere and so effective… “ To Love As Jesus Loved” to be a Family For All and on a practical note to keep events low cost or no cost. Love can break down differences and barriers.
25 years and 25 years older, however Graham’s photos are testament to the very many thoroughly enjoyable, often original events we’ve shared and frequently the invitation is extended to all in the Parish. There have been well in excess of 700 events.
I think I can say it has been ‘the glue’, a blessing, in the Parish on the occasions we’ve been without a Minister.
It has been and is an amazing programme and one where Judith and Boyd Dunlop as Parish Co-ordinators have been constant in maintaining the links with St Peter and St Paul and the wider PFGM Co-ordinators.
Arohanui Prue. – Prue Simm
Johnsonville Uniting Church celebrating 25 years of PFG’s
Reminder: 5 Aims and Goals
- share & celebrate life & faith
- support one another (especially in need)
- reaching out to & include others
- build community/extended family
- show example to children
Grief – taken from Brian Traynor’s letter this week with his permission. It is fitting for our commemoration of both All Saints and All Souls Days.
November is traditionally a month for remembering our departing relatives and friends. As many of Mass community members of Holy Cross continue to age, we have to
acknowledge the sad reality of loved ones who have died and the pain and consequence of that loss. We see obvious signs that we are growing closer to that reality for ourselves.
Bereavement is something we become more familiar with as we age, and few of us have been spared the experience. We encounter friends and faith companions everywhere who suffer from the death of loved ones – sometimes after a long illness, sometimes at an advanced age or as the result of sudden illness, accident or something worse. Some have lost parents, spouses or children many years ago and have lived with that loss.
Some are experts in loneliness. Everyone has a story. We can benefit from some insights and sharing of the theory and experience of bereavement.
Sigmund Freud died in 1939. He is regarded as the founder of psychoanalysis, the area involving theories and techniques for treating mental disorders. Freud recommended that those mourning should cease from talking about or remembering the deceased. His attitude changed somewhat after his own daughter died! He came to believe that the intensity of sorrow would reduce, but there would never be a substitute for what was lost.
Freud based his theory around the idea that those who were grieving were searching for an attachment that had been lost, and the detachment they experienced led to some depression. He suggested that new attachments could be sought when the loss was accepted.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross died in 2004 and is famous for developing her five stages of dealing with grief which are not meant to be understood as progressive or linear, although many people have incorrectly understood her theory that way. These five stages are
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Denial is a positive coping mechanism to deal with the shock or unpleasantness of the situation. Anger is another positive coping mechanism seeking to avoid the immediate pain of the situation. Anger can be directed towards anyone – the deceased, the dying, a doctor, even God.
Bargaining is almost a last ditch stand to change the reality. Bargains can be made with doctors, spouses, even oneself, and of course God. Many people make all sorts of promises if what they face can ‘go away’.
Acceptance, for Kubler-Ross occurs when the one grieving begins to come to terms with her or his loss and is able to make an effort to move on with life. Edward Bowlby died in 2004. His own life experience created an interest in what became his ‘attachment theory’ through which he explained why emotions like anxiety, sadness (crying) and anger are often expressed in mourning. These occurred when attachments were broken.
Bowlby suggested four general phases of mourning that he described as: numbing, yearning and searching, disorganization and reorganization. Numbing which often includes emotional outbursts, provides temporary relief from the pain of loss and is related to feelings of disbelief that death has occurred. Yearning and searching is related to the reality of loss, so anger and frustration are common. These are close parallels with Kubler Ross’ theory. The disorganization phase occurs because the reality of the loss doesbring turmoil, lack of concentration and sadness. Then gradual changes and reorganization occur as the bereaved begins to move on with life. This is similar to Kubler Ross’ stage of acceptance. These and other theories explain that grief involves a painful emotional adjustment which takes time and cannot be hurried along.
Another theory has gained great support in recent years since the release of a book in 1996 by Dennis Klass, titled, ‘Continuing Bonds’. The book suggested that these linear models, end in a detachment from the person we’ve lost and they deny the reality of how people actually grieve. The authors suggested instead of becoming detached from the deceased, it is healthier to create a new relationship with them.
In this way, grief is not about working through a linear process that ends with ‘acceptance’ or a ‘new life’, where you have moved on or compartmentalized your loved one’s memory. Rather than assuming detachment as a normal grief response, ‘continuing bonds’ considers human attachment as being natural, even in death. This is not only normal and healthy, but an important part of grief because it allows a person to continuing to recognise ties to their loved ones. There are countless normal and meaningful ways to maintain bonds. Ongoing rituals, visits to the cemetery, remembering advice a loved would have given’ in a particular situation, living life in a way a loved one have appreciated etc.
People often comment with expressions such as, “My mother is still with me, and I talk to her every day”. Céline Dion had her husband’s hand sculptured. Before going on stage she entwines her hand with his as a connection with his love and presence.
He is always in her heart and mind There are many helpful and healthy ways such as this to continue bonds with a loved one.
Examples include
– Talking to a loved one
– Keeping photos around
– Ritualising special memories and milestones (e.g. wedding day).
– Visualizing a conversation and the advice that a loved one might have given
– Keeping meaningful items
Actions like this can allow a person to feel more free, and therefore should be celebrated. It allows a person to accept the reality of the changed relationship, but confirms that they do not have to shut out memories or forget the person. Those who begin new
relationships often are torn about how to talk about their previous partner at the very time when they feel this presence so strongly. A continuing bond does not mean that people live in the past. The reality of daily life is changed by the death of a partner, parent or child. The deceased is both present and absent. One cannot ignore this or the tension this can create in the bereavement process.
Faith is vital part of how people deal with grief. In the attachment models, as people deal with anger and bargaining, often God is their ‘target’! Some who have a strong everyday faith begin to question that faith and become angry with God. Our first reassurance should be to accept that God can deal with our heart! St Teresa of Avila is famous for her life of prayer. She recounted some words she spoke to God one day in prayer, ““I’m not surprised that you have so few friends, because you treat them so badly! “It is natural to lose heart (faith) while experiencing grief. Being angry with God or blaming God when things go wrong can suggest God should make sure bad things do not happen to me. The reality is that bad things happen every day. 165,000 people die on average, each day! Most people work through these questions in their grief – but grief hurts. There might be no answer – just acceptance and trust.
Through our pain and grief we may come to recognise our own helplessness. We might also come to believe more strongly that God is not represented by power, but by compassion and love. That love whispers in the darkness: “all will be well, and all manner of things will be well” (‘The Cloud of Unknowing’)
Sometimes we don’t know what to say to others about their loss. People often admit this. Some years ago when we were discussing this issue with a large group of Passionist Family Group leaders in Auckland. Eventually a Maori man, said, “You Pakeha ,amaze me. You won’t go to visit the spouse of someone who has died, even though you know him or her well. The reason is that you don’t know what to say. It is easy. “Leave your head on the gate and go into the house with your heart!”
Many people have experienced their friends being uncomfortable and not knowing what to say to say them after the death of a loved one. Some groups of couples begin to leave the remaining spouse out of their get-togethers and this can create great hurt. Sometimes people will say, “I think she’s got over it, because I saw her laughing yesterday”. Grief does not work that way. It comes in waves.
The first rule about what people might say is that silence is far better than clichés! It is more important to be with people than to say anything. It is also important to let them tell their stories and share their memories, even if they repeat those stories several times. Healing is a process. It takes time and waiting doesn’t fit into the instant world of today, but we do have to wait in times of suffering. Any wound takes time to heal. We have to let the emotional healing have time to adjust. Our greatest lessons come from sorrow and pain.
Many times in our lives we are like those standing around the cross of Jesus. We are bystanders in the pain. At the centre may be a loved one or friend, and we join with others in silent vigil; often feeling helpless. At other times we carry the cross with and for others. In such times, we truly share the journey to Calvary. At other times like Simon of Cyrene, this is forced on us. Never more so, than when a beloved suffers pain or when tragedy strikes someone dear to us. We stand empty handed in the face of suffering.
Our belief is that there is (transformed) life beyond death. The caterpillar cannot become a butterfly without entering the dark and empty cocoon. But that darkness is not the end. Life seeks life. Our grief is an expression of the pain as we wait for that completion, and it is a vital gift we can give, if we can support others in this very difficult journey. We would hope that we at Holy Cross can do this for each other.
Pease remember in your thoughts and prayer:
- Please keep Debbie and her husband Bryan in your prayer. Deb’s battle with thyroid cancer is nearing the end. Prayer for Bryan and the family who are all gathered at home.
- Please keep Charlie and Maggi in your thoughts and prayer as they support their daughter and partner
- Please keep David Victoria and baby in your prayers. There has been some positive progress and it now looks as if this baby will make it to full term. Vicky is 6 months pregnant. Still wait and see.
- Please keep a friend in mind who is in very early stages of pregnancy but has had a few miscarriages so, things are touch and go.
- Please keep Robert van de Pas in your prayers – he continues to struggle with pain etc from Chronic Pancreatitis.
- Keep in mind all those who are struggling with various aspects of mental health.
- Please keep Richard and Sue Gibbs in your prayers -He is showing good signs of improvement
- Please keep in mind a son of a friend of mine who has just been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
- Please keep Bernie Metcalfe and family in your prayers
- Please keep in mind Merrilyn Barron who is still unwell Awaiting results from MRI and to see a specialist.
- Please remember Martin van der Wetering in your prayers as his health still is causing him grief and discomfort.
- Please remember Phil Drew a former Passionist who has had a massive stroke. Please remember his wife Anne and family
- Please keep in your prayers those who continue to deal with the after effects of Cyclone Gabrielle and other weather events.
- Please keep Bob Buckley in your prayers-
- Keep in prayer the people of Ukraine
- Keep people in Gaza and Israel in your prayer – these acts from both sides have had a horrible effect on the innocent as always.
- Please keep Somalia and the surrounding countries dealing with their sixth year in a row of drought.
- Please keep Nick and Leah and daughter Heidi Darbyshire along with Paul and Linda in your thoughts and prayer.
- Please pray for Dot and Neill Wilson (Invercargill) – their son-in-law Mark married to Dot’s daughter Anita has been diagnosed with aggressive brain tumour, Please keep in mind their daughter Bailey and son Taylor.
- Remember Pat and Rod Carson
- Aidan son of Josie and Phil McIntyre –his parents are his caregivers.
- Your own intentions
Humour:
- How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
- What kind of music scares balloons? Pop music.
- Why did the orange stop halfway across the road? It ran out of juice.
- Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? It lost its filling.
- How do you get an astronaut’s baby to stop crying? You rocket.
- What do dogs and phones have in common? Both have collar ID.
- Why shouldn’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- What sounds like a sneeze and is made of leather? A shoe.
- How do you stop a bull from charging? You cancel its credit card.
- Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
- Why are fish so smart? Because they swim in schools.
